(The title above made me think of bees... which made me think of a song my old dance school used to use for the baby ballet classes every few years. So I now have "Be my little baby bumble bee, buzz around, buzz around, buzz around, keep a buzzin' round!" Going through my head. Great. If you haven't heard the song before and want a great earworm have a listen!
But this blog entry is not supposed to be about bees. Or earworms. It is about being busy!)
For a long time I was the amazingly busy person who had tons of things on my plate and didn't seem to realise just how busy I really was. Then my life sort of slowed down. I tried to come up with other projects and avenues to follow to fill it back up again, but still it slowed. To a glacial pace. For years. And now, just when I have turned into that person that I never used to comprehend - who can read an email or a text that I could answer in seconds, think 'I will reply to that later', and never get around to it simply because my brain is moving as slowly as my life - I have suddenly become busy again.
That's great, you think. Now you can go back to your old ways! But no... here is the rub. In the last few years of being Not Busy, I have forgotten how to be Busy. So now I am living my life in a constant state of panic that I have forgotten something or that I will never get it all done. I keep telling myself that eventually I am bound to relax and get back to the good old me who could deal with all of this with her eyes closed... but I keep waiting and she hasn't shown up yet.
Now, I haven't given up hope that she will, but I do think I would like her to hurry up a little. I mean, what is keeping her? She is usually so good at being there when someone needs her. Her absence is leaving me here to deal with all this on my own. And heaven knows that is a dangerous thing!
That said, somehow I seem to be coping. Tightly wound most of the time, but coping. Things are getting done and deadlines are being met. More and more keeps falling in my lap and I am running with it. I mean, it has been ages since I had a chance to say 'yes' to things, why would I say 'no' to any of it now? And oddly it is working. As usual, my life is a jigsaw puzzle with no edges to start at, but the longer I work at it, the more I start to feel that maybe the busy me has actually returned and I just didn't know it. I am feeling more confident in what I am doing, I am taking risks, and I am welcoming new challenges. That doesn't sound like 'I will answer that later' me.
Maybe I have just forgotten busy me's general stress level - I always did have a fairly high pain threshold - or am simply looking at the past through the rose coloured glasses we like to view our lives through.
Either way, it is up to me (whichever one of us I am now) to make sure that we get through this.So all we need now is a massage - at least one each to start with please!