Sunday, November 06, 2011

Baby Steps and Bubbles of "Meh"

In a post from three months ago, I talked about a choice that I had made to step away from something I had found a lot of enjoyment in. As well as the realisation that after a year (and a half) I needed to face my associated negative emotional memory and give it another try. A few days ago I managed to take the first real step in that direction - a mere matter of months after I decided I should. (Hey, I never said I wasn't a procrastinator when it suited me to be!)

Once I had talked myself into going, it got a little easier to get myself ready and out the door, but I still had the slightly scary act of actually being there to get through. I chose somewhere that wasn't associated with anything or anyone from before and I think that is what enabled me to actually follow through with it all - even if I did spend the first hour sitting in a corner reading my kindle! (To be fair, there wasn't too much that I could have actually been doing in that first hour anyways, it was a slow burner this one!)

And though I wouldn't have said that was my best night ever, I did feel like it was a step. A positive movement in the right direction. And though there is no way to prove it, I think that has allowed me to hold on to the positives that I have had opportunity to experience in the days since then too.

One of my big issues lately has been finding the highs and being able to hold on to them. I felt like I was trapped in a bubble which would protect me from the lows, but also kept me in a perpetual state of "Meh" preventing the highs as well.

Tonight, I not only thoroughly enjoyed myself, but I also have managed to carry that feeling out of the room I felt it in and into the rest of my evening.... so whether my little step has enabled this bigger, slightly unrelated one or not, things are feeling more positive. And at least for tonight, I can revel in the enjoyment I So  have experienced. So revel I will!

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