Over a year ago I stopped doing something that I really loved because of the things associated with it. I got tired of the cliques and the need for constant happy faces regardless of what you were really feeling, and after a few specific incidents, I stepped away.
It had started taking over my life and I needed to breathe air that wasn't linked to the same people and the same pursuit. What once made me happy had turned into something that made me feel worse on far too may levels. It saddened me that I needed to take such a drastic action, as the activity itself still brought me enjoyment, but at the time, distance was the only thing that seemed to make sense for making it better.
I have managed to keep a finger in the pie, so to speak, through a specific group that I was asked to create, and the weekly rehearsals with them have made me feel like I haven't lost it completely.... but last night I realised that I have been gone long enough and need to try to get back into it all - just for the sheer enjoyment of the physicality if nothing else.
Facing something that you have turned away from can sometimes be a scary prospect, so I hope that I have the strength to push through that and determine if this is still something that can bring happiness into my life. If so, I would be stupid not to bring it back.
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